Mascot explainer — beat sheet + line rules
Runtime 45-120 s; default 75-95 s ≈ 260-340 spoken words at 3.4-3.6 wps (narrator floor 3.4, vo_check). Percentages are of runtime; beats are pack-line ranges, never mid-sentence. Line numbers below assume a ~90 s, ~30-line pack.
| # | Beat | % | Lines | On screen | Job | Line rules |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Callout hook | 0-8 | 1-3 | Mom at his door (hallway), the kid asleep on top of the covers; cool desaturated light | Name HER by an observable symptom; stake on her | Line 1 ≤12 words, "you"/"your", a count or a time from VOC; no product, no mascot, no "Hi, I'm…"; exaggerated-but-literal visual (fifth knock, three phones ringing on the pillow) |
| 2 | Problem shown | 8-25 | 4-9 | Her ritual in quick literal shots; her cost (car keys, late for work) | Prove she IS the alarm | Counts and times allowed in video; failed solutions generic (louder alarm, phone across the room, lights on): never brand names, never bed shakers; one tried-and-failed line = the objection setup |
| 3 | Mascot enters | 25-35 | 10-12 | Dawn the mascot hops onto the nightstand or counter, ~50/50 with Mom; light turns warm | Introduce the fix + open a loop | Intro = three short lines: who it is ("I'm Dawn"), its ONE job in plain words, what SHE gets (the sung-ingredient-list verse shape; starpop song-ads-ingredient-list-crossover); cartoon-pipeline's "I'm Dawn, the [what I do]" folds lines 1-2 into one. Next line = curiosity gap ("I work differently in two ways.") |
| 4 | Mechanism demo | 35-65 | 13-21 | One picture per idea: sound rings bouncing off the sleeping kid → the wristband on his resting wrist, small motion lines, eyes opening; mascot pointing | Root cause, the two ways, one objection | Root cause = Fish's line verbatim ("Sound doesn't reach a deep-sleeping brain"); way 1 "touch gets through"; way 2 "keeps getting stronger until he turns it off" + "silent to everyone else"; each technical line followed by one plain line; objection line from product truth ("Not a smartwatch. No app. Three alarms, set right on the band."); max 9 lines. Mirror: teach the problem in short stuck-loop words (it rings, he sleeps, you knock) so beat 5 can undo it in the same words inverted (VIASOX: "blood slows, it pools" → "blood moves, the pooling stops"; starpop ai-zack-d-films-style-ad-examples) |
| 5 | Before/after morning | 65-90 | 22-27 | Same room, same camera: morning 1 (her at the door) then morning 2 (empty doorway, he walks into the kitchen dressed, she has her coffee) | Payoff on HER: his independence, her calm | Sequential shots, never split screen; the after-morning lines invert beat 4's stuck-loop words; the payoff names what SHE gets back (the morning, her job, not being the alarm); Mom may say one line here |
| 6 | Offer | 90-100 | 28-30 | Product on a counter or his resting wrist + mascot beside it; then end card | Close | The line right before the CTA returns to line 1's symptom (the knock count, the door), so the ad ends on HER, not the product (starpop song-ads-ingredient-list-crossover); product name SPOKEN and the wristband on screen before the end card; 60-night guarantee ("wakes him or you don't pay"); optional "10,000+ parents"; no price; spoken CTA verb ("try it tonight", not "learn more"), then end card. All four AI Zach-D ads he tore down argued well and then lost the close: no proof, brand never spoken, weak or no CTA (ai-zack-d-films-style-ad-examples) |
Line rules (all beats)
- One sentence per pack line, 5-12 words; the mascot speaks TO her ("you", "your son"), never about itself for more than one line in a row.
- Said-out-loud test; plain words a 6th grader gets; figurative only if instantly clear.
- Every number spelled with spaces for EL ("six forty", "ten thousand").
- One jargon line max per idea, followed immediately by its plain version (davidaistar's "dumb it down" move).
- The mascot never brags ("best alarm ever", "I'm amazing"). Proof is the demo, the mechanism and the guarantee.
- A line that only works as a close-up of a talking mouth gets rewritten (variant N has no mouth).
- Mom is never the butt of the joke; the kid is never lazy. The brain is the reason.
Structure example (ILLUSTRATIVE — shows the shape only, not shipping copy; real lines come from VOC, Fish's ruled lines and Fish's approval)
- "If you knock on his door five times before seven…" (hook: hallway, Mom's fist mid-knock, cool light)
- "…and you're still late for your own job." (her cost: car keys, the clock hands) …
- "I'm Dawn, the band that wakes him so you don't have to." (mascot entry, nightstand, warm light)
- "I work differently in two ways." …
- "Sound doesn't reach a deep-sleeping brain." (root cause: sound rings bouncing off the sleeping kid)
- "His ears hear the alarm. His brain doesn't answer it." (plain version) …
- "Tuesday, you stood at his door." (before)
- "Wednesday, he came down on his own." (after, same camera) …
- "Try me for sixty nights. If he doesn't wake up, you don't pay." (offer)