Courtroom — beat sheet, turn-taking + realism rules
Runtime 60-150 s ≈ 170-430 spoken words (dialogue ≥2.9 wps overall incl. 0.30 s turn gaps). Percentages are of runtime; beats are pack-line ranges, never mid-sentence. Line numbers below are for a ~120 s long cut (~50 lines).
| # | Beat | % | Lines | Speakers | Job | Line rules |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Charge (hook) | 0-8 | 1-3 | ACCUSER / MOM / AUTHORITY | Name her symptom + the stake, in the room | Line 1 ≤12 words; the accusation or stake verbatim-sourced (voc_check / stake bank / parent lyric); zero backstory; no product |
| 2 | Exhibit A, the record | 8-20 | 4-12 | ACCUSER → MOM | The tardies become paper; her side as inserts | Accuser introduces the record in ≤2 turns; MOM's answer lines become home cutaways (fifth knock, lights, blanket, the bus pulling away). Failed solutions generic (louder alarms, phone across the room), never brands, never bed shakers |
| 3 | Cross / pressure | 20-35 | 13-20 | AUTHORITY ↔ MOM ↔ ACCUSER | Humiliation | "Is this accurate?" / "It is." beat; she gets cut off at least once; her low point is one line, said or thought ("Every true thing I said sounded like an excuse.") |
| 4 | The test record | 35-50 | 21-28 | AUTHORITY / ACCUSER / MOM | Turn | The accuser's own mornings on the record (trial period, his week): "Tuesday, late. Wednesday, absent." Comedy from the failure, never mocking him. Long cut only |
| 5 | Expert witness | 50-65 | 29-33 | EXPLAINER (+MOM reacting) | Root cause | ≤3 explainer lines; Fish's ruled root-cause line verbatim (sound doesn't reach a deep-sleeping brain); one picture; the explainer has a reason to be there (§Realism) |
| 6 | Deciding exhibit | 65-80 | 34-40 | MOM / EXPLAINER / KID | Mechanism + product | Touch gets through; silent to everyone else; keeps going until he turns it off. Product named once. Band = exhibit (flat on the table or on a resting forearm), wrist rule |
| 7 | Ruling | 80-94 | 41-46 | AUTHORITY → ACCUSER or KID → MOM | Vindication on HER | Outcome the authority can actually give; the accuser concedes in a few words OR the kid's words clear her; Mom's one-line reaction last |
| 8 | CTA | 94-100 | 47-49 | MOM | Offer | "Dawn Band" + 60-night trial, spoken; end card (optional, --end-card; off by default per Fish 10-06) |
60 s cut ≈ 18-22 lines: 1 (2 lines) · 2+3 merged (6-8) · 5 (2) · 6 (3-4) · 7 (2-3) · 8 (2). Objects cut 30-45 s ≈ 10-14 lines: charge (PHONE accuses Mom) · cross (CLOCK judge, PHONE, one MOM line) · BAND testifies (root cause + mechanism, 2-3 lines) · ruling (CLOCK) · CTA (MOM).
Turn-taking rules
- Short turns. Dialogue turns ≤8 words; MOM testimony ≤12; the explainer ≤12 per line, ≤3 lines. A long answer becomes 2-3 pack lines, each its own panel (cartoon-h3 rule: one speaker turn = one panel).
- Interruptions are the hooks. Cut her off every 10-15 s in beats 1-3: court = "Objection.
, Your Honor." / "Sustained." / "Overruled. Go on."; mediation and attendance hearing = "Can I finish?" / "Let her finish." / "We'll come back to that." Grounds a viewer understands: relevance, speculation, hearsay. - No line under ~4 words / 1.2 s.
storyboard.pyonly merges short sentences inside one pack line, so pair a bare interjection with its reason or the next sentence by the same speaker. - Never two voices in one line, never overlap (vo.py renders each line as its own take, back to back).
- Every number spelled with spaces ("thirty one tardies", "six thirty"); never digits.
- Said-out-loud test on every line; pronoun-first for MOM; the accuser sounds like a reasonable man reading a printout, not a villain.
- One question, one answer. The authority asks; the person answers in the next line. No speeches into the air.
- Mom never wins by arguing. She loses the argument (beats 1-3) and wins on evidence (beats 4-7). That's the vindication.
Realism detail (red-team against this before Fish's script gate)
Family court (custody modification or temporary orders). The judge alone decides (custody is a bench matter; leave Texas-style jury custody out). Witnesses are sworn; attorneys ask, witnesses answer; the judge rules on objections. Exhibits are marked and offered ("We'd offer the school's attendance record as Exhibit A"; whether exhibits get letters or numbers depends on the court, and the spoken "Exhibit A" is fine). A pediatrician or sleep doctor can be qualified to give an expert opinion; a school nurse testifies to what she saw ("He fell asleep in my office twice a week"). A teen is usually heard in chambers or through an evaluator, so his words reach the room as the judge's summary ("Noah told me…"). Outcomes: the judge rules from the bench on the school-week schedule, keeps the current arrangement, or takes it under advisement. Never: jury, verdict, "guilty", sentencing, gavel-bang, the kid cross-examined.
Custody mediation. The mediator is neutral and decides nothing; the parents reach (or fail to reach) an agreement that a judge later signs. Some counties use recommending mediators who write a recommendation to the judge: that is a legitimate stake ("She'll put it in her recommendation."). The record gets slid across the table; "Is this accurate?" is the mediator's tool. A trial period is something both parents agree to ("Two weeks, then we meet again."). The mediator may meet the teen alone and report his view. The nurse doesn't attend: her letter is read, or her call happens in a cutaway. Never: objections, "Your Honor", exhibits admitted, the mediator ordering or awarding anything.
School attendance hearing (attendance review board, truancy meeting). A panel of school staff (attendance officer or assistant principal chairing, counselor, social worker, nurse), the parent and the student. The attendance record is on the table. Outcomes: an attendance agreement, services, or referral to court or the district attorney; in many states the parent can then be cited or fined, which is the stake that lands on her (stake bank #6). The panel can close the referral and sign the agreement: that's the realistic vindication. The nurse can sit on the panel, so the explainer is legitimately in the room. Never: the panel fining or jailing anyone, a judge, objections, "exhibits" (call it the record).
All settings: timeline math (a two-week trial period needs two weeks of school days; a follow-up meeting needs a date), who-knows-what (Mom can't narrate what happened at the ex's house unless the app pinged her or the kid texted), no real court, school, district or judge names, the kid is never blamed.
Structure example (ILLUSTRATIVE: shows the shape only, not shipping copy; real lines come from VOC and Fish's approval)
Attendance-hearing long cut, school accuser, stake bank #6. 1. [OFFICER] "Twenty two late arrivals. The letter went to you, Mom." (charge, listener shot on MOM across the table) 2. [MOM] "I'm the one getting him up. Every single morning." (her line, MOM close, officer's shoulder in the foreground) 3. [OFFICER] "Then why is he late?" (cutaway: the teen room at six thirty, a closed door) … 14. [MOM] "I knock five times. I pull the blanket off." (cutaway: the fifth knock, wide from the hallway) 15. [OFFICER] "We've all heard about mornings, Mom." (interruption; listener shot on MOM, stopped mid-gesture) 16. [MOM] "Can I finish? Please." (MOM close, officer's shoulder in the foreground) … 29. [NURSE] "He isn't ignoring her. Sound doesn't reach him in deep sleep." (expert witness, nurse in profile from the back of the room) … 41. [OFFICER] "We're closing the referral. He was on time all month." (ruling, wide from the back of the room) 42. [MOM] "Thank you." (MOM close; her one-line reaction)
Objects cut, ILLUSTRATIVE: 1. [PHONE] "Your Honor, I rang eleven times. She still had to drag him up." (phone ringing on the desk-top bench, wide) 2. [CLOCK] "Mom, is that true?" (Cutaway: Mom at a dark doorway at six thirty) … 6. [BAND] "He never heard you. Sound doesn't reach a deep-sleeping brain." (band flat on the desk, side-on, display dark, small motion lines)